Shlomi Rabi NBC5 Street Team


Rule Number One: Do Not Make Eye Contact. So on the occasion that one is potentially forced to share a long elevator ride, under no circumstances must one initiate, facilitate or simulate any form of physical engagement that could feasiby result in a rising level of tension and noticeable awkwardness.

Rule Number Two: Play It Cool. Should one be met with a familiar glance, a smile from a dashing gentleman, or even sense the commencement of a conversation, one is to keep a firm and cordial stance, answer with a simple "Sure dude" and perfect the ancient master skill of winking.

Rule Number Three: Do Not Lube Hands Prior to Assured Isolation. Crucial! In the event that the debonaire sexy neighbor on the elevator ride approaches, compliments and introduces himself, one is to wipe off all remaning liquids, creams, lotions and lubes off of one's hands on the first available surface, including a third party's coat. Creamy hands do not equal good impression. *sigh*....

Rule Number Four: Chocolate Helps! So in the event that you were unable to contain your burning queeniness, your inner dorkiness, your true awkwardness, your natural stammering AND your freshly-dipped-in-a-bucket-of-moisturizer hands all to yourself, you may want to try stopping for some good chocolate loving at the following venues:

Kopi-A Traveler's Cafe in Andersonville for some Mexican Hot Chocolate that will swiftly wash off that lump of stupid caught in your throat. Once that's been done, it is time to begin filling your stomach with good, solid chocolate loving. I personally recommend Vosges Chocolates on the Mag Mile Red Fire Brownie Single, which has enough peppers in it to burn off the shame, guilt and embarrassment, together with your esophagus, spleen and ego. It will be the wisest $5 you would have spent. Even that damn hands lube that got you into trouble cost more. And lastly, head back home to Lakeview, and go to Windy City Sweets for some Chocolate Caramel Nut Patties that will give you enough sugar, protein and power to run back to your building, stare at the elevator, and then choose to take the stairs thirty floors up instead.


(Please note: Originally there were twelve on my plate. You do the math.)

Labels: Elevator, Kopi Cafe, Moisturized Hands, Stupid, Vosges Chocolates, Windy City Sweets